february 2022

Looking at years past, many people agree that February is usually a dull month. For all my life, it has been a time in the heart of winter, with little sun, spring break a whole month away, and people starting to get worn out.

This past month, I couldn’t agree less. I have been beaming with joy and in a constant state of adrenaline by traveling through Europe. In the least selfish way, I have no one to focus on other than myself, my friends, and my family. When I am making plans or decisions, it is simply based on my wishes and needs, not other people’s opinions.

It is weird to think that I was not even in Italy the last time I wrote my monthly recap. I was sitting on the couch in my loft, anticipating all that this journey was going to be. I was sitting there thinking about who I would watch the remainder of the NFL season with and how no one would understand what sturgeon spearing was.

Now, the NFL season is done (still salty about the Packers), sturgeon spearing has passed, and would you look at that, I am still alive nonetheless!

When I first arrived in Italy, I felt like I didn’t even have a minute to blink. I just had to go, go, go until I got my footing in a brand-new place and felt acclimated. It is hard to get a “lay of the land” when there is so much newness to experience.

Sitting here, reflecting on the end of this month, I have to say that I am so at peace and situated. I have great friends to travel with, excellent plans set up, a cute Italian apartment, weekday routines, and I ultimately feel an immense sense of balance.

Once I find my rhythm, like going to the ‘Flying Tiger’ and organizing my tiny apartment, I feel worlds better.

In this month (which, mind you, is the shortest one of the year), I have been to Rome, Spain, Bologna, Venice, and Prague, all while residing in Florence. What a record-breaking month.

However, the primary skill I focused on and grew in was learning to go with my gut. This is often hard to do or explain. But how I explain, I go with what first feels right. For example, if I see something I like right away when shopping, I go with that. If looking through all the photos and I see one I like, I post that. It keeps things from becoming more important and complicated than they need to be.  

Also, when we give insignificant things more thought, we factor in irrelevant aspects, like other people’s opinions or choices. So, for anyone reading this, I urge you to start “going with your gut”; making decisions simply and apart from the actions of others. 

Currently, everything inside me internally is right where it needs to be and electrified. I understand who I am, what I love, and I need to achieve my goals. However, it feels that my life on the outside is in limbo.

I am thousands of miles away and have absolutely no idea what to expect when I turn home. Heck, I don’t even know where I will live or work. That mystery is so exhilarating. 

For me, the people that I love are the most significant aspect of my life. Many of my friends have created this fantasy of “meeting their soulmate abroad.” While I wouldn’t be opposed to this, and it sounds like a dream, it feels wrong.

I have tried, and do try, to be open to that idea, but I just do not have that desire like my friends do. I have always undoubtedly felt as if my heart was someone from home. Someone from the Midwest, or more so Wisconsin. And anyone who truly knows who I am sees that as well.

It is peculiar to be currently in a stage where I do not have that. I do not have a “love interest” or someone I am consistently talking to. A hiatus, per se. Who am I supposed to think of when I hear love songs? Who am I supposed to get giddy about when I imagine going home and going out?

But that is a song for another time.

I am here to grow as a person and create my own life. I don’t need any drama with a man to interfere with that. I only have 4 months; why would I waste it on someone temporary instead of growing in the one person who is permeant, myself. 

I am also fully aware that I will be reflecting on this journey for the rest of my life. I have been engulfed in what this lifestyle offers and allow it to take over me in the best way. I have constantly been living outside of my comfort zone and am learning to enjoy it because it leads to the best growth.

One of my favorite quotes is from the movie ‘Under the Tuscan Sun.’ This quote resonated with me beyond imagine because of three reasons: 1. The character’s name is Katherine, 2. It is a movie based in Italy, the Tuscany region, where I currently reside, and 3. Because my grandmother used to always call me “Katie bug,” a play-on word off of “ladybug.”

The quote is: “When I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me”. 

In this movie, Katherine told her best friend, Frances, this quote when she was stressed about the unknown. In the film, Frances works to create her dream life but feels as if a love interest is missing. She looks everywhere and tries to put her heart out to all the wrong people. Finally, she sits back and relaxes at the end of the movie. At this moment, a ladybug lands on her, and her perfect man approaches her. 

Life does not always work out as it does in movies. Still, I advise everyone to consider this as a transformative reminder; there is a balance between going after what you want and understanding that the best things come when we surrender to God’s plan and just let life happen.