how-to: feel self-assured

Self-assurance comes internally. It does not come from how many followers we have on social media, what outfit we wear, or what validation we receive. It is something we are all born with until our environment takes it away. Self-assurance is defined by its name: feeling sure of yourself. Feeling confident, unshaken by comparison or societal threats, and ultimately knowing and loving yourself for who you are.

While there is no magic medication or recipe to instantly feel self-assured, looking introspective at yourself and your energy is a great way to start.

So, how does one feel more “self-assured”?

First, start by viewing yourself apart from anything in this world. No people, work, personal belongings, or insecurities. Let it all disappear in the abyss of your self-discovery. There is no pressure to prove yourself or your talents. There is no need to finish a task or come to a conclusion about a situation. Who is that person?

If this is a tough answer to come about; think of people who bring out your favorite version of yourself. What side do they bring out of you?

Or, think about some hobbies you genuinely enjoy doing? Think of the quality of yourself that is expressed during that hobby?

And if hobbies stress you out because you can’t find one you enjoy, try a whole bunch of new things. Maybe you try going out more, staying in more, cooking more, writing more, studying more. Quit that job that makes you want to run your head through a wall and take that one you have always wanted to do. Volunteer, meet with someone new for lunch, go for a daily walk by yourself.

Try out new things and see how each of these options feel. This doesn’t mean that adversity is a reason to quit, but you will know how something feels when it is not for you.

So, you’re probably asking what the point of all this rambling was? The point is that to feel self assured, we first have to know ourselves. We often get so attached to things in life that we don’t even enjoy and allow them to define us and our happiness. The things that are meant to stick will, because we are meant to gravitate towards them effortlessly.

On a related note, I want to bring up the feeling of competitiveness. The absolute worst feeling ever and it is so incredibly unnecessary and avoidable! There is no reason to feel competitive with other peers, students, or people who are similar to something you feel possessive over. There is no need to compare or compete, but instead to ground yourself in what you want to do, regardless of whether that is shared by another person.

One’s success and beauty does not take away that of your own. They are irrelevant to your situation. You are in control of allowing things or people to become more important than they need to be. In the end, your paths won’t even be similar because each human is unique and each journey follows.

We are not on this earth long so why waste precious time thinking about what someone else does.

Healthy competition is great motivation, but when it starts hindering your happiness, it is important to know how to reroute your focus on your own life and away from comparison.

Lastly, understand that the feeling of security is something we can create on our own.

We often feel as if we aren’t grounded when we don’t have security in a certain area. For instance, if we don’t have security over a love interest, we will see other single girls as a threat who are going after what we want. But, when we are in a happy, healthy relationship, we couldn’t care less about what the single girls are doing because we are secure with what we want. Not feeling secure creates unsaid competition and leads you down a constant road of comparison. And as we know, comparison is the root of all evil.

When we take others out of the picture, our self-image becomes clearer. So how come we feel threatened and stressed when others are involved? What is yours is yours, regardless of who is present in your life. Do we really need to be the biggest fan the song or movie, the prettiest, or the most stylish? Literally, what is the point? 

Now, how would things change if you could guarantee all those great things you want and are worried you won’t receive? That you could undoubtedly know that your life will play out in your care exactly when and where they are supposed to. No ifs and or buts. Feels a bit relieving right? Well, great news, it will. Guaranteed.

And if you don’t believe me, why don’t you take a look at your past at something you were worried about. Maybe it didn’t turn out how you wanted but it turned out exactly how it was supposed to and led you to something even greater.

So start to get to know who you are aside from all the unnecessary standards of society and focus on yourself. What is meant for you will not pass you by. Affirm that. Own who you are baby, no matter how many followers you have.